My Greatest Fear

My husband asked me a hypothetical question, "Would you be willing to go back to work?"

I couldn't give an answer. All these emotions were building inside me. 

My immediate answer was, "Absolutely not!"

When my little boy was less than six months and I was sleep-deprived, my answer would probably be yes. I longed for the time when Javi would be in school so I would at least have time for myself - to do the things I want to do. Now, the thought of sending him to school brings tears to my eyes. It means my little boy is growing up so fast.

After two and a half years of being a full-time mother, I cannot believe I can give this much love to my little boy. It is indescribable. Words simply escape me. 

My situation did not improve. Well, I am getting more sleep now but I am dealing with a hyperactive toddler who constantly seeks my attention. I can hardly finish a task without him interrupting me asking for a hug or something else. It is for this reason my blog entries are irregular. 

I found this quote from Rachel Jankovic - book author, blogger, wife and a mother. It is exactly how I feel about motherhood. 

"It is what God gave you time for."

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God blessed me with a season where He allowed me to set aside work and be a mother to Javier. Not all mothers have the same privilege. The thought of having to go back to work and leave my child in the care of another person scares the wit out of me. And I cried my heart out to God and He definitely knows what is in my heart.

Eventually, I will go back to work or will explore the options of working from home. But in this crucial  time in my son's life, I'd rather he has my full attention than having to share it with demanding work or an unreasonable boss.

How about you? What is your greatest fear?


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2 comments:

  1. Was envious of you because you took care of Javi all by yourself. You have him 24/7. Wish I can do that. You are blessed as a full time mom and wife to Jed.

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    1. Thank you, Em. It's not easy ha but super worth it to put my career (as if meron) on hold. It's only a season anyway. You've been a wonderful mom to Ethan. So kailan na ang baby #2? Hahaha!

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